Just for my documentation

This is just so I can remember when we did all the IVF stuff. Nothing exciting, just a list of dates . . .
The funny thing is that it seemed like I had to do injections for forever! Looking back, it is a relatively quick process.
Thursday, Feb. 4, 2010 Injection class to learn how to give the injections - points learned: pinch until it hurts, then inject; once you go to inject, don't stop!!!! Plan on going all the way in. Didn't follow this advice one time - horrible idea, the last little bit that you have to push the needle in is KILLER!!!!
Sunday, Feb. 7, 2010 Start lupron injections. This was one of my biggest fears (had a friend who was on lupron for endometriosis and felt like she was going through menopause), turned out to be the easiest part of this process :)
Friday, Feb. 19, 2010 Start of my "cycle" (So in actuality, the babies were 34 weeks, not 34.5 weeks gestation)
Monday, Feb. 22, 2010 Start 3 shots per day - Repronex (stinger), Follistim (cute little pen), continue lupron
Monday, March 1, 2010 Week of egg retrieval
Monday, March 8, 2010 Week of embryo transfer. U of U (Dr. C Matthew Peterson, our doctor) was doing a study to see if there was a higher "take home baby" rate transferring 1 embryo instead of 2. We actually got into the study (random), but we didn't qualify because we needed 2 embryos at B2 quality or higher (B1 is highest quality) and we only had 1 . . . So, based on all factors - bicornate uterus, previous miscarriage, quality of embryos, etc. It was recommended we put in 2 embryos - one B2 quality and one EB1 quality (EB is just below B). The only embryo we have left is EB1 quality, so we are going to try putting that one in, in a few years ;)
The rest of the dates are a bit hazy after that, so here is the run down without solid dates:
Pregnancy test - blood test at the U . . . When the nurse called me back with the results, she said, "You have probably already taken an at home test and already know that you are pregnant." What!?!? Are you kidding? Thus far (in this post) I have not let you in on the depression I had been going through since I started the injections in Feb. So, I interject to give the back story:
Miscarriage - August 2005 - devastating
Failed IVF - November 2009 - prepped myself for the worst, but definitely disappointing
Mom moves out of house, starts divorce process - November 2009 - expected, but hit me harder than I thought it would
Blow-up and melt-down of Scrapping Simply (Rex's online printing company)due to long-term issues with marketing director - December 2009 - Stressful beyond belief
Now comes February and Rex is ready to try IVF again . . . notice I said Rex - not me :) Due to non-debilitating depression (guessing from the previous months), I was not ready and did not want to start the process ever again! Rex was ready and "knew" that we were going to have to try 2 times. I wasn't willing to have a December baby (due to retail, Rex is absent from our family from Thanksgiving to Christmas) So we were going to have to start RIGHT NOW!
After ending up at a psychiatrist's (I absolutely loved her) office a few weeks in to the injections, I decided there was no way out and we went for it. The feelings lingered, though, and by the time the pregnancy test came, I truly wanted a "not pregnant" - that way I could deal with the let down now and not later . . . but it was not meant to be. So when she expected me to have already done a pregnancy test, I realized that I was putting off hearing the results.
Megan was actually working in the same building that we did the pregnancy test, so we went down to see her and wait for the news. After seeing my reaction to the "positive" news, a co-worker of hers offered this advice - advice that saved my life and sanity!
Why does she need to expect a baby from this? Why can't she just take it one day at a time? Celebrate today, because today you are pregnant! Today you have a little bean growing in your uterus. No expectation of anything past that. Little did she know that I would still be using that mantra late into the pregnancy. At our family reunion (5 months along), people were asking about names and the nursery and other baby prep things. I honestly hadn't thought that far in advance, I was still just thankful and celebrating that I was 5 months along. No plans for an actual baby (or two). This may be hard to understand, but it was the only way for me to make it through!
Side note - when we started planning IVF (August 2009), we asked Maleah if she wanted a baby brother or baby sister, repeatedly she would respond, "A baby brother and a baby sister - AT THE SAME TIME!" Knowing our doctor would only put in 1 embryo, I thought there was no way, but she must have know Javen and Hannah in heaven.
Next we had a viability scan to see how many viable embryos we had - we told the doctor we were looking for one - two or zero would be bad news. He said, "Well, I hate to disappoint, but you have 2" Twins! Excitement finally showed itself - my first thought was - two cribs, double stroller - have.to.go.buy.them.right.now . . . then mantra came into head and I quieted the excitement for sanity's sake. And started taking it just one day at a time.
Here is what I had recorded on my phone:
Week of march 15 - tired like going to start period & sore boobies
Positive prego test march 19 - HCG 504, march 21 - HCG 1017
March 24 - 1 wave of nausea - short; walked 1.5 miles treadmillMarch 25 - nausea, gag, mouth water in hot bathroom after shower; walked 1.5 miles treadmill
March 26 - woke up middle of night with mild anxiety attack, sudoku soothed and able to fall back to sleep
April 7 - brown spotting in morning, enough to need a light pad. No real cramping
May 3 - haven't really felt pregnant. A little bloated. Today when I pee though, I feel like I have a knot in my abdomen near my bladder.
May 15 - serious nausea around 10 AM, red spotting around 4:00, noticed when I went the bathroom. Feeling extra bloated.
May 16 - brown spotting, neither day had enough to warrant a pad
May 17 - lighter than light spotting, felt emotionally like going to start period - no motivation, blah, irritable with the feeling I need to exercise.
May 18 - 4:30am heavyish bleeding, feels like a clot is sitting in my vagina waiting to pop out. No cramping. I emotionally NEED an ultrasound :)On a happy note, tonight is the first time I have been able to feel my growing uterus :D it feels a little set to the left side of my body, it also feels like it comes up to about 2 inches below my belly button. Pregnancy is amazing! Rex noticed it first (I don't often play or even touch my belly button) but my belly button is feeling rather shallow. Even when I got down to my lowest size and weight with Jess, our trainer, I didn't notice much of a change. Huh!?!?!!
May 19 - Doppler came, heard heartbeat, still more brownish spotting
May 20 - woke up at 5:45, feeling like something going to slip out, just same brownish light spotting. Red after dinner, seemed to stop
May 21 - woke up at 3:30, red on underwear, turned toilet water red, put on a pad. Spotted through May 30
May 29 - changing from sitting to standing position feels like ripping my uterus in two - wondering if round ligament pain again
June 7 - I think I can feel baby b moving
June 10 - 16 weeks and "truly showing". Sneezing causes round ligament pain
June 28 - 18 weeks. Can feel them moving. It feels like flutters across or down one side of me. Sometimes soft little pokes (here's hoping those pokes stay fairly soft) like they are sticking out a limb or something. I can feel our little girl the most - she is most active. It is reassuring to feel them moving :)
July 8 - Rex and I both were able to feel baby from the outside - we think it was baby boy, but so cool. He bumps up near my ribs, it still feels like a soft poke.
July 22 - swollen ankles - mostly at the end of each day. Kept happening for at least 4 days.
Sept 6 - spotting - brown, fairly light. Walked to car after BYU football game day before
Sept 7 - starting to feel pregnancy face - darkness on cheek bones, puffy face . . .
Sept 9 - I can see them moving across my belly - some bumps, some rolls, some flittering - SO cool :) I could just watch them all day!
Sept 26 - 31 weeks, 2 days - I have felt crummy for the past week - started taking iron supplements, which has helped with feeling tired, but now constipation and gas are making my GI uncomfortable. Last night my stomach was very tight - especially below my belly button. I wonder if they are both head down, or just getting bigger. I should be measuring 40 weeks - full term - by this coming Thursday. October 20 seems really far away :) I want to keep them in as long as possible, but it is getting really crowded in here, really fast! I seem to feel better physically when I take it easy and lounge around all day, but emotionally it is really tough to do.
October 15 - woke up at 5:30 with pinching intestinal like cramping - figured it was some yucky gas, pain got more intense and started to feel more like menstrual cramping. At 7:00 started timing - 2-4 minutes apart. Started packing and headed to the hospital. Got to hospital around 8:30, contractions too painful to sit through. Needed to walk, back massage would have been helpful, most comfortable position at home was on all fours. Nurse checked me at 8:30 - dilated to a 6/6.5 Dr Nance was out of town, called on-call doc. Epidural started just before 9, Dr Skinner came running in (out if breath) just after 9. Checked me, only felt feet, fully dilated, rushed to operating room. Javen born at 9:59 AM, Hannah didn't want to come out, her placenta was coming out before her (if placenta detaches, no oxygen for baby), so they had to keep placenta back and force her down. They increased the uterine incision, to better get her. Hannah born 10:02 AM Javen was breathing fine on his own, Hannah had air pushed into her and she started breathing. They showed Javen to me in the OR, didn't get to see Hannah until I was sewn up.

Happy Valentine's Day

So, we spent a quiet day and night in for Valentines this year. Grandma Poppy sent the kids Valentine cards in the mail and visited. Maleah was excited to get one and to give one to the babies. She carried both around with her for the rest of the day. Papa doorbell ditched and left Valentine treats on our doorstep, then came back to visit a bit later. Rex brought home a rotissery chicken and salad and Valentine balloons for Maleah. Not just run of the mill balloons, but giant red and white ones with Xs and Os. Both she and babies were impressed :)
After dinner, Rex built a fire in our fireplace (I still love having a woodburning fireplace) and we roasted marshmallows and made s'mores. This was when Papa was here and this is the purpose of this blog entry . . . :)
Miss Hannah was a big fan of the bright fire - watching intently, the jumping flames. She would fuss if Rex turned her away from it. Papa was holding Javen on the couch when Rex handed Papa a s'more . . . to interject here - Javen has been intrigued by Maleah eating things for months now . . . apparently Javen was hungry. He intently watched Papa take the s'more from Rex and then take a bite. Javen instantly started fussing. With each bite it got worse. Then I got up to take him, to try and settle him down. He lifted his little fisted arm to point at Papa, scrunched his face, and made an exasperated sound - apparently he is a s'more fan :)I wish I had words - or even better - a video - to show his little tantrum. So cute!
A quick update on the little ones -
Javen laughed for the first time on January 31. We got video of it

He is getting stronger with his neck and back. During "tummy time" he holds his head up and scans the room, usually hoping for Maleah to be dancing around. In the bouncer seat, he kicks and moves his arms to bounce and hit the toys on the toy bar. He catches your eye and smiles at you whenever he can. At the last A family birthday party, he smiled big when Grandma Lucette got there (I think they are both starting to recognize people) He is still a very content kid, getting a bit more demanding, but still pretty chill. He and Hannah both have decided they don't appreciate formula. They will take it if starving, but pull faces and spit it out, then gnaw on their hand to show they are hungry . . . working on getting my milk supply up, so I don't need formula . . . but it is a battle. He currently has a cold - seems similar to what Maleah had last week - yucky cough, congested sinuses, etc. Hopefully he is on the mend. It is really hard to listed to him cough and struggle to breathe - especially when he is trying to sleep or eat. He blows lots of bubbles with his mouth and says "goo" when telling me stories.
Hannah is my little social girl. She couldn't care less about toys - prefers to talk to people instead. When she tells stories, she squeals and screams - very expressive. One morning I had them downstairs and Maleah came down to play on the computer, thinking we were still upstairs. When I said good morning to her, she came over and said, "I heard Hannah squeaking, and I thought you were upstairs". Squeaker could easily be her nickname :) While not as strong as Javen during "tummy time", she does well to hold her head up for a bit, then usually chooses to lay down and fall asleep. She has always preferred her tummy to sleep. Her reflux seems to be getting better - whether from Chiropractic adjustments, just getting older, or reducing the amount of formula she consumes, whatever it is, it is working. She can sleep on her back now - no boppy pillow. Her ailment now is eczema! I hope I have found the cream to keep it at bay, but she scratches her poor head when she gets tired or frustrated. The cream is A+D ointment - meant for bum cream, but works wonders to keep her skin not inflamed and moisturized. I also read about a study that found a bath with 1 tsp. bleach to 1 gal. of water 2 times a week can help. I just hope she grows out of this, too. Though she is the fiestier of the two, she is still a sweet baby. She seems to be mellowing out, becoming more patient. When she smiles, her whole face sparkles. First time in the jummper a few days ago and she is in love. I think she likes the freedom to turn and bounce. Both babies try to pull themselves up to do crunches when they are propped on a pillow. They definitely like to be part of the action. They both seem to really enjoy hanging out it Maleah's room and adore smiles and attention from Maleah.
Maleah is still just a hoot to talk to! She tells stories ("once aponce a time"), has "ideals" ("hey, I have an ideal!" - an idea, usually to get something she wants) and loves to play Wii and computer games. She teaches herself to play the games, with minimal help from Rex or me. She adores the babies and would love on them 24/7 if she could. A couple of times now, I have let Hannah stay in Maleah's room while I take a quick shower. Maleah builds block castles for Hannah and dances around and gives her loves. She is quick to come get me if Hannah fusses (which has only happened once - I think Hannah really enjoys the sister time)She is quite the singer - she makes up songs to familiar tunes to express her self and to help settle the babies. She loves to "spin like a princess" - I get dizzy so easily, but she doesn't seem to. She can spin and spin and spin and spin for what seems like forever! Fun story from the cold she is just getting over - during the first few nights, she would have coughing fits. After one of those, Rex heard her say, "Cough, I don't like you! I don't want you anymore!" This story just reminded me of a story from November. I was at the hospital with the babies and Aunt Meggie was in town. She made dinner for everyone at my house. Maleah refused to eat, so Rex sent her to her room until she was ready to finish dinner. She had a mouthful of meat from dinner in her mouth. When Rex went up to check on her, she was saying, "I hate you, meat! I am not going to eat you!"
I just adore my kids :) So fun to be able to say kids - plural. The best thing about being a mom, is get to know each child - they are each distinct and individual. I am so blessed!

Candid Maleah

Hello all! And so begins our 2011 chapter in funny things Maleah comes up with . . . Just a moment ago Maleah informed Rex that she doesnt want to watch kids' shows anymore - just mommy and daddy shows. Then she added . . . nice shows for Mommy and mean shows for Daddy (I think referring to the fact that Daddy watches football - where people are "mean to each other")
Just the other day - Maleah was trying to get the babies to look at her, I asked, "Do you like to be the center of attention and have everyone look at you?" To which she replied, "No, just Mommy, Daddy, the babies, and grandmas and grandpas." Then quickly revised it, "But not your dad, dad. He scares me."
Okay, a few from last year . . . Grandma Poppy was taking Maleah for a ride, when she came to a stop sign, not too far from our house. Maleah piped up from the backseat, "When my mommy comes to a stop sign, she stops." Grandma Poppy said, "Didn't I come to a stop?" Maleah, "No, you just kind of slowed down."
And last but not least, while at Aunt J and Uncle T's house watching a movie, said, "I can't see the movie." Confused, Aunt J said, "Why not, the tv is right there and you are looking at it." Maleah responded with, "But your tv is too small!"
We just get a kick out her and what she comes up with! As more memories come back to me and new ones occur, hopefully I will have the time to jot them down :)

Wow! Over a year!

Would you look at that! It has been over a year since I blogged! So many memories have been made and not posted about . . . reading that last post, I feel so guilty for not posting more fun stories that happened to our family! This past year has been wonderful and hard and blessed and amazing.
If I can get a second or two to post, I will . . . hopefully recalling some fun stories. Pregnancy and twins have zapped most of my time and brain power, but hopefully the most important stories will come back.

More of the same cute Maleah

So, yesterday I was working on wrapping gifts for the Allen's Camera Christmas party and Maleah chased Murphy, the cat, upstairs. Usually sweet Murph will jump on my bed to escape the sometimes torturous loving of my Maleah. Maleah is now big and brave enough to scale the mattresses and get to him, but not quite confident enough to get herself back down (she has done it before, but 9 times out of 10, will demand help from Mom or Dad). Well, a few minutes later Mr. Murph came downstairs. No Maleah, no sound from Maleah, so I decided to go check on her. When I came upstairs, she didn't see me, so I just watched quietly from the hallway. She was lying on her back, holding a Cabela's ad - seemingly scrutinizing every item. Since, she didn't see me and seemed content, I went back downstairs.
Fast forward 10 minutes: I get a call from my mom. We talk for a couple of minutes. I hear sounds that tell me someone is using another of our cordless phones, but no voice, just a few phonish sounds that let me know someone else is there. When my mom hangs up, I say, "Maleah, are you there?"
"Yep"
"Are you okay?"
"Yep"
"Are you still upstairs?"
"Yep, I want to get down"
"Okay, do you want me to come up and help you?"
"Yes"
"Okay, hit the red button on the phone and I will be right up!"
When I got upstairs, she was still holding the phone. She ran to me at the foot of the bed and said, "You were on the phone. I talked to you on the phone." She sounded almost amazed by it.
Another quick one:
I took our comforter to the laundromat. There was another mom and daughter there waiting for their laundry. The other little girl was probably around 3. Maleah asked if she could play with the little girl. I said of course. She walked up to the little girl with her little fingers tucked in the waist band of her pants, head cocked to one side and just looked at the other girl. The little girl wasn't sure what to do. I prompted Maleah to say, "Would you like to play with me?" The little girl said sure and they began chasing each other around the laudromat. It is so fun to see her make friends and play. About half-way into their playing Maleah came running over to me and said, "Mom, I am being a friend." She was thrilled that she had offered to play with someone and they accepted. I absolutely adore her.
Okay, one more:
Maleah loves to be chased (most children do, right?). Anyway, her new favorite chase is to have me carry her and we run away from Dad (Rex). It started one night when he chased us at bedtime and reached through the banister on the stairs to tickle Maleah. Squeals and giggles galore :) Well, tonight she and I were upstairs after getting ready for bed and saying prayers with Rex. She really wanted to be chased, so we snuck downstairs to tickle Rex and then he chased us around the dining table, around the first floor and finally upstairs. Her little squeal and giggle make me soooo happy. I love to hear her laugh and see her really smile. Wow! I am so blessed to get to be her mommy.

Vocabulary

Just a quick story before I forget it (I am horrible about writing things down, if I can just do when it happens, I could have a lot more stories to tell)
I went in to get Maleah this morning (she still stays in bed until we come to get her - her choice, not ours, we have told her she can get out whenever she wants) :)
and she very excitedly said, "I am wrapped like a burrito!" She was indeed wrapped up in her favorite, pink, soft blankey. She proceeded to say, "I did it by myself! There were no people here to help me, so I helped myself!"
I know parent stories are more important to the parent, than anyone else, but I hope you get a kick out of it, too.
I just love to she her gain more independence (She usually asks US to wrap her up like a burrito, and if I ask her to do it herself, she says she can't!)

Just quote for today :)

Regret for things we did can be tempered by time; it is regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable.
--Sydney J. Harris
Just what I needed to read today!